Going Under

I know I’m in real danger of being dragged under; the darkness is close. I’m supposed to be a fighter. I’m supposed to absorb the pain of each loss and then bounce back. I’m supposed to keep seeing the light even though the edges have become dark. The advice I’ve been given.. head up, shoulders back is fine during the day. I can get by during the day. Its the nights that are the hardest. The gut punch comes out of nowhere. A thought, a picture, a sound remind me of you and I crumble and not in a figurative sense, a literal crumbling to the ground. I failed you. I know what you wanted..we didn’t need to say the words over and over. The feelings were a part of us. Us. There wasn’t an Us in the end. There was you and your darkness and then there was me.